Anxiety - Living with the enemy

Just as the last few coronavirus regulations were being lifted and many of us were looking forward to regaining many of the freedoms we lost during the pandemic, another crisis has emerged. The invasion of Ukraine by Vladimir Putin’s Russia has caused many of us to feel appalled, incredulous and anxious. For those of us old enough to remember the Cold War it probably feels like a revisiting of a situation we thought and hoped we would never see again. As a young boy I remember seeing Soviet tanks rolling into Prague and wondering how it was possible for one country simply to be swallowed up by another. I was scared and confused then and I believe many of us are today.

The invasion raises many questions; Will he stop at the Ukranian border? Will it escalate into a nuclear conflict? How stable is Putin? What can I do about any of this?

We can’t know the answer to any of these questions and anxiety hates the idea of an unanswered question. It can thrive and easily grow in an atmosphere of doubt.

So what can we do? Clearly very little about the situation itself but we can find some agency in doing what we can. Firstly, we can learn to negotiate our emotions in this most difficult of situations. This is tricky because when we feel anxious our mind is programmed to fear the worst; it’s an important part of our survival mechanism and has served to keep us safe for thousands of years. We can, however, learn to live beside and not in our anxiety and in doing so be mindful of what is happening, rather than dwelling on what might happen. In learning to do this, not just in relation to the war but in relation to all the events and issues in our lives that we feel anxious about, we can begin to change our relationship with our own anxiety. We can begin to regard it as a protective, if sometimes over enthusiastic neighbour, rather than an unwelcome lodger.

We can begin to realise that anxious is something we feel rather than something we are and that feelings or emotions can be negotiated, often tentatively at first but with increasing confidence as we practice.

A question I often find myself asking the people I work with is ‘Which would you prefer; the answer to every question you face or the ability to live with unanswered questions?’ Put in these terms it becomes clear that cultivating a functional relationship with our anxiety is the best choice.

At Lifetime we believe in helping individuals to find their most effective relationship, not just with anxiety, but with all of their emotions. By exploring our feelings in an honest non-judgemental environment with the help of an empathic counsellor we can find more effective ways to live in an ever changing and constantly challenging world.